Breath of God, come!

I wonder what it was like for the disciples back then.

Several weeks after Jesus' death, they are allowed to experience again and again how He meets them and picks them up exactly where their heart doubts and suffers - with closed doors, on the way to Emmaus, on the shore of the lake after a memorable fishing trip.

Then comes the moment when they realize: we no longer see him, now it's our turn! But how? No idea ... no concept ... no master plan ... let alone a plan B.

In this helplessness, they do one thing: they stay together, bring the mother of Jesus, his brothers and the women, and go to the hall that contains so many precious memories of Jesus, where he had eaten and broken bread with them for the last time ... and where he had come to them with closed doors on the day of resurrection.

They stay there, sharing and praying. Nothing else. What happens then exceeds everything: a violent storm breaks over Jerusalem, people flock together, terrified and dismayed. The disciples see flames of fire - and remain calm in all this.

And Peter, the hothead who has already screwed up once before, suddenly knows with unprecedented certainty what is going on: he steps outside the door and speaks to the people who have rushed by about all that has seized him. A few listeners sneer that he has probably had too much wine - but many are hit hard! They are beside themselves with wonder.

I see parallels to today: Jesus does not seem to be here. So many things are going so wrong. There is so much that is incomprehensible, so much suffering, injustice, hatred and ignorance, on a small and large scale. Most "believers" no longer believe, and the "rest" wonder: Is this "my" church? Do I really want to belong to it?

There is only one thing left for me: to talk with sisters and brothers about what disturbs me, to hear from them what keeps them "in line", to remember together all the moments when we were allowed to experience Him - and to pray together for the Spirit of God in this often so spiritless time.

If I can stand my powerlessness and continue with others with impudent trust and listen inwardly in prayer, if I go out of my comfort zones despite a stormy headwind, react differently than usual and have the courage to let myself be questioned, if I can stand others smiling at me - and still keep on asking and searching and praying again, then the Spirit of God is very close.

Ruach, breath of God, help and comfort, you are promised to us as the one "who will remind us" of everything that was important to Jesus: YOU - come so that we may know You: be it in the storm that sweeps us away, be it in the gentle breeze that leads us silently into the distance, caressing and comforting.

Come so that we see the next step - and dare!

BREATH OF GOD, COME!

Sr. Martina Selmaier